There’s something about vanlifers…

So yeah, I’ve been watching lots of vanlife videos over the last few months. I’ve been considering vanlife for myself because of the crazy cost of London rents and difficulty in finding somewhere to rent.

And you know what?  There is something quite incredible that I believe that I have noticed about vanlifers, at least the ones who vlog on YouTube, and also people living in the tinyhome movement. They all seem to be incredibly humble, straightforward, and down to earth.
I noticed this right from the outset, but watching videos again between yesterday and today, I was struck by this anew. Actually, this also extends to the homesteading movement, as I have watched a few videos on that too.
Here’s the thing:  these people have often built their homes, sometimes from raw materials, sometimes from existing vans or empty shipping containers. So they have all applied their minds to difficult challenges, they have achieved genuinely great things, they are all clearly very smart. And yet, they never seem to be full of themselves or their own talent, but are just getting on with the business of living. I have often wondered why this might be. Perhaps because there are invariably so many challenges that come up with their lifestyle that they never get the chance to get complacent or self-congratulatory?  Either way, I am deeply impressed.

Into this already impressive field entered a married couple whom I have only just come across, and I’ve only watched a few videos of theirs, and spent a few hours total “with” them. And yet they have already blown me away.
As well as being humble and down to earth and straightforward, even while clearly being very hard working and bright, they seem to genuinely love one another so much, that is, care for one another, love being in each other’s company. They take care to be kind and gracious to one another. And it seems genuine and unfeigned. It seems as if they genuinely are each other’s best friend, and they really do like one another.  The husband is so positive and enthusiastic.  Every thing is amazing, every problem is to be overcome, every meal is “banging”. The wife is extremely positive too, but I have to admit it was the husband that really struck me. He always makes a point of paying his wife a compliment, even small words in passing, like how she is always beautiful no matter how tired she feels, or how he likes her jacket. These are small things, but I imagine that they go a long way to create a positive atmosphere in their home. And it feels as if they both feel so comfortable to be themselves, and accepted in their love. They go around holding hands. It is all so touching, and inspiring, but in a completely lighthearted, unpretentious way. It seems like they are not doing it to make a profound point, or indeed any point: “Look how deeply in love we are!”, but this is just simply who they are. Not to be weird or anything but I would genuinely love to find out about their relationship.  How long have they been married, or together?  Where did they meet, and how did they get together in the first place?
Writing this blog has either made me so cynical about relationships, or else it has accentuated my existing cynicism. Watching this couple reminds me that there are couples out there who genuinely love one another deeply, whose relationships truly work.

And another place I have learned that lesson is Reddit. Yes, I read a lot of “Am I the A**hole”, which does not truly celebrate positive relationships. However, there are so many other forums on Reddit too. A forum which I read way more than AITA, actually, is the Antiwork forum. And there I can’t help being struck by the spouses who truly are one another’s best advocate. They know the intimate details of their spouse’s work situation, and they ask for advice on behalf of their spouse, truly having their spouse’s best interests at heart. And you know what?  That is obviously how it should be.  But all the negativity I read on AITA, and on other internet sites, truly skews my understanding and expectation of marriage, and makes it seem like at least one party to the marriage is invariably out to cheat and take advantage of the other.

You know, I’ve spoken about “love” a lot in this post. And yet, reflecting on the vanlife couple above once again, it is clear to me once again, counterintuitively, that love is not primarily about the romantic feelings you have for someone, but rather finding someone with whom you have strong shared values, and whom you truly respect, and treating them with unfailing grace and kindness.  And when you do this, it will look to all the world as if you are deeply and passionately in love, because that is what true love is.