There’s something about autumn…

…that makes me yearn for human connection.
[I initially wrote this post over a month ago on the 25th September but I accidentally left it unpublished, either that or I can’t remember the reason why I did not immediately publish it. So I am publishing it anew and amending the publication date to now so that it will be at the top of my  posts.]

Something literally fired in my brain a day or two ago that made me want to connect with other people. I say “literally” because I actually felt it happen. Perhaps it was a release of hormones? Could it be programming from my school years where autumn signified the beginning of the school year and a return to the  collective hive that school represented – has that trained my mind to associate autumn with a need for community?
It feels like there is a delicious sense of poignancy in the air. Ironically, if this is indeed programming from school days, something in my mind is driving me not towards work as you might associate with school, but rather towards a sort of ease and leisure, or perhaps a winding down for this time of year, my mind is full of simple dreams of relaxing in front of Netflix, taking things easy, eating lots of hearty, warming meals. And snuggling next to a husband too, soft and snug in woolly jumpers, perhaps cocooned in duvets too. This post was almost called “Feeling all snuggly-wuggly!” (Note the inconsistency of the way “snuggly-wuggly” is spelled with a “Y”, compared to “Huggie-wuggie”! Additionally a few days as I am editing this post, I spelled the word “Aunty” two different ways in the same card! 🤣🤣🤣) Honestly, it feels as if this is a time not to engage in work, but rather to enjoy sunsets, and the smell of woodsmoke, and walking hand-in- hand with your husband, and smiling at one another as you walk.

If you are a potential Mr Huggie-Wuggie, are you feeling this too?! Does the change of weather trigger these emotions within you too, and fill you with delicious feelings of longing? I was asking myself whether I remember feeling this way in previous autumns, and the answer is yes, yes I distinctly remember feeling exactly like this two autumns ago, even down to the jumpers detail. Back then I was also thinking about warm cosy socks! I may well even have written a post about it!
You know, I talk a lot about my goals and dreams. I have often said that I would like a husband who also has big dreams. Feeling these autumnal feelings makes me realise, once again, that what I would really like in my marriage is basically a male version of myself. That is, someone who can invest himself to work hard, but who can also literally put  all the work and projects to the side “just like that” to enjoy the season. What I would really love is not someone who puts his goals aside for the sake of indulging my feelings, but rather someone who also feels these things too, and is as compelled by his own yearnings to engage in the autumn as I am by mine.  Plus of course someone who is self-employed, if at all possible, so he would have the flexibility to choose when to work.

I’ve explained many times that I genuinely do not care about my husband’s financial status, and I do not dream of a life of material excess , I have rejected for myself a life of material excess but rather I am committed to simplicity, even though I am working very hard to be financially successful. Clothing and dressing are the one area in which I dream of indulging myself, within reason – oh and food too of course. So I will aim to live as simple a life as is possible with a spacious walk-in wardrobe! But in that simplicity, other than with clothing – and heck, food too – this is the way I hope my husband and I will be able to indulge ourselves – with time. Being able to take time off, and just enjoy spending time with one another without being overly stressed or pressured for work. Not just spending our time with one another, but perhaps also volunteering…