I would like to say “Thank You” once again to anyone out there who is praying for me, if there is indeed someone praying.
I can truly feel God doing a profound work of humility in my heart, which is incredible. I feel God pouring out so much understanding onto my life. Honestly, I have also felt the gentle chastisement from the Lord because I have been running my mouth. Usually, this kind of wisdom comes into my life when I have been spending lots of time in God’s presence. I have not been doing that so much of late, which is not something I am happy about or proud of.
Sorry to be kinda cryptic to everyone else, but to the person praying – is this you? Really? Please please be you!
It is not just a humility thing. Just earlier today (yesterday technically, Fri 25th August – plus also Thurs 24th) I was getting all manner of thoughts and understanding about femininity and being ladylike! Which I welcome! The thing is that in my life as a single woman there are certain habits or mindsets that I have let myself fall into, which do not accurately reflect who I would want to be at my best, but I have let myself tolerate them. These thoughts that have been filling my mind have been prompting me to make more of an effort, to see myself as more of a lady, not merely a person who happens to be female. The thing is that these are thoughts that have definitely formed a strong part of my thinking in the past, but in recent years and months they have been buried and largely forgotten as I have focused on urgent things, and day after day they slowly, quietly slipped out of mind. So this is actually me. It is not like these prayer represent an imposition upon me, rather they are gently coaxing me to remember who I want to be!
As I say, please please be you! On one hand, I can’t imagine how much you must be praying for all these things to be bombarding me with such intensity. Additionally, if you are indeed praying these things for me, then you must know me so much better than I could ever have imagined that you would know me. Or God is taking your general prayers and applying them very precisely to my life. With all that said, I am crazily transparent on this blog! 🤣🤣🤣All the same, to think that you would read all this, and you get it. It makes me dare to hope of what I have always dreamed of, a man who vibrates at the same emotional frequency as I do.
If indeed you do know me that well, on one hand it is somewhat embarrassing that you would see me so clearly. On the other hand, this is exactly the kind of intimacy that I dream of, that someone would know me that well.
So if indeed there is someone out there praying for me, then once again I thank you. It could also be that there is no-one praying at all, other than God. But I always think that God is an absolute, but He is also a constant. The way that He behaves to us is consistent. This is not the way that I am usually aware of Him. I can usually trace the leading of God to things that I have specifically done, or read, or thought, or questions that I am asking of Him. With these particular prayers it is not as if I am interacting deeply with God, but it is rather as if things are being dropped into my life.
You know, this is really bringing it home that I need to find a way of getting back to that deep place with God for myself. And you know, dear Prayer Hero, I don’t just want to sit here and accept your prayers in a one-sided way, but I want to pray for you too. So I will pray for the person I suspect and hope you are, and then I will also pray generally for “My Prayer Hero”, just in case I am wrong about your identity!
In the meantime though, I do truly want to thank you.
Ah yes, that was it. In the thoughts that have been coming to my mind about my anger towards people, I realised that in my angry rants I have essentially been cursing people, even though it has never been phrased as a curse (except perhaps, when I have shockingly, inexcusably, told people to” Go To…”). And because I generally aspire to be close to God, my words carry significant weight, whether we are talking about constructive words of life that build people up, or we are talking about destructive words of anger. And in wanting to communicate just how angry I’ve been, I have essentially, unwittingly, been invoking a demon of vengeance. These are not words that I use lightly. The kind of anger that I have been expressing has been enough to summon evil supernatural power.
In a big way, I resent the question of having to apologise, because these people genuinely did do these dreadful things. However, I am a Christian, and my first commitment is to God. So yes I definitely do apologise for allowing myself to be used as an instrument by the devil, even in righteous indignation.
Now I have understood the spiritual ramifications of these angry words, I will also be working to break the curses that I myself have unwittingly created. Top of those, of course, is the “Go to…H” curse, alternatively phrased as “Go to B” – you know what I am talking about. You know, twenty years ago I would never have imagined myself capable of telling anyone that, even in my mind, as Hell is just so horrific that I would never wish it on my worst enemy. Or so I thought. I guess it is a very important lesson for me to understand that my sinful nature will keep growing more adept over time, that as I grow more powerful in Christ, I need to be growing more humble and more holy and more loving and forgiving of people, otherwise it is all too easy to use that power and spiritual confidence to attack people in a way that is not holy at all, and which, actually, Christ warns us against, in the passage where the disciples asked whether He wanted them to command fire down from Heaven to consume their enemies, which is found in Luke 9v54.