Talking candidly about sex, PS

Well I wrote that post, and I was confident as I was writing it. But then overnight I was struck with a pang of thoughtfulness.  I said that these things were OK, but what if in truth, they actually are not? What if they are actually an expression of lust?  The thing is, I definitely do not believe and have never believed that “anything goes” sexually within marriage, “as long as it is covered by the umbrella of marriage”. I believe that if you cultivate lust within your marriage, even consensually, then it is so easy for that to spill out beyond your marriage. So marriage does not automatically sanctify just any sexual activity. There are certain things which I am just playing through my mind just now, and I’m thinking – “Lord would that be OK?!”  You know, in some cases it might be a judgement call, and Future Hubby and I might not know until we get married, try it, and it leaves our souls feeling grubby.

Things that are definitely out sexually:
– Anything that pulls any other person real or imagined into the sexual relationship between the two of you, eg threesomes or roleplays or “sharing”.  Obviously any sexual activity involving more than three people, is out too.
– Any consensual swapping of sexual partners, like swinging. Or cases like where some husbands apparently like to watch their wives “interacting” with other men, and vice versa.  There was a news report a while ago which I do not want to link to about a woman who was accused of getting her husband assassinated. But guess what? They were both pastors and apparently the night of the alleged hit or shortly before they attended a swinging club together. And bear in mind that these people were pastors. Threesomes and swinging and sexual sharing are all adultery, and as Christians that is definitely forbidden from our marital lives, even if it is supposedly “consensual”.

– Erotica and pornography: Yes, that is “out” too, even if it is consensual. To be perfectly clear it is also forbidden for single people.  If you have developed a problem with this, then you need to aggressively cut it out from your life. (Looks sternly in mirror.)

Personal preferences
Some things might technically be “allowed”, but I have made up my mind that I do not want them in my own life. Obviously I am not going to go into details here, that is between me and my husband!  My point is that we can each have our own personal preferences and boundaries which we expect our spouse to respect.
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I would really like to thank anyone who might be praying for me. I think I now understand more clearly that what I have done, the mistake I have made, has been to try to use lust, via erotica, to cater to a genuine and legitimate biological need. I’m sure that many people have made the same mistake, that does not make it OK. So if you do that sufficiently, then a stronghold of lust builds up within your heart.  I think that in dealing with it we need to distinguish first between the guilt and the actual thing. We need to deal with the guilt, cleanse our hearts through the Holy Spirit, confidently accept the forgiveness of God, then we need to firmly uproot the stronghold through the power of prayer, and the Bible etc.  We know that God is bigger than this, because we know that God is bigger than anything. I know that, as with everything else, if I apply the Bible enough, and enough prayer, then it will be thoroughly dealt with, now it is a matter of doing it.
OK now the real question of course, is how to deal with legitimate sexual needs over a protracted length of singleness, in a way that is holy and pure and edifying?