Well I recently wrote about two adorable twin boys that I met a little while ago, and now I have finally remembered the point that I was planning to make in writing about them!
I was so struck by how adorable they were, that I quietly prayed for them that they would retain their sweetness even as they grow up into this hostile world. And then that made me think of my own self, how all the negative experiences I have been through have definitely stirred up bitterness within me. Thankfully, on the whole, I still manage to be pleasant in person. If anything, in person I am more pleasant now than ever, since I better understand how to guard my boundaries and restrict access to people who would provoke anger in me. However, my writing on this blog has often resembled an explosive well of anger.
After the gorgeous time I spent with these two boys and their family, it really struck home that I have to go and refind my own sweetness. Actually, to be technical, before now “sweet” has never truly been a word to describe me. But now I really do want to find and express sweetness and consciously embrace it as a character trait for the first time ever. As I have previously written on this blog, precisely because of everything I have experienced from the hands of evangelical Christians, assorted “pastors” and other people, I owe it to myself to be utterly beautiful and lovely, both “on the inside”, and on the outside.
I joke about evangelical Christians but I want to make it clear that there is no joke about my faith itself. This sweetness along with every other beautiful character trait will be empowered by God Himself. And technically speaking, I myself am also an evangelical Christian. The difference is that, apologies I cannot think of a humble way of expressing this, but in all candour, I invest the time to develop true Christlike character to accompany the determined beliefs that define Evangelical Christians. Where Evangelical Christians and other Christians usually fail is in their character. True Christian faith is not just a matter of espousing the correct beliefs. It is also about taking the time to develop true Christlike character. However that is consistently a problem because everyone tends to be too busy to really invest time in prayer. And you know, this is as true of me as anyone else. When I make the time to truly focus on God, and truly look deep into my heart, identify the ungodly elements in there, and pull them out, I really notice the difference in my character versus the times when I don’t have the concentration to truly focus on God, so instead I seem to go through the motions.
You know, after the body odour incident I spoke of at work, I also owe it to myself to be utterly fragrant, always.
This is a really difficult confession, but there is a personal insecurity I struggle with arising from a deep-seated health matter, which sometimes expresses itself in silly behaviour. Well the health challenge was deep-seated in the past but I hope that I am now dealing with its last gasps and I can hopefully put it behind me along with the silly behaviour it sometimes provokes in me!