Are you the boss of me?!

So this is my second attempt at writing this post tonight. The first attempt did not quite hit the right tone…and I probably overshared horribly, even by my own usual shameless standards!!!

I recently received certain impressions in my spirit, suggesting that a certain someone might be praying certain prayers, or asking himself, or God, certain questions about me.
This post is addressed to that person: If this is true and you are indeed asking those questions, I would love to discuss the answers to those questions with you in private!

But also…(this is not an aspect I discussed in my previous post, but it has subsequently occurred to me…)…it occurred to me that what I am about to share now is a real dynamic in the interaction between you and me. Apologies as I am going to be candid until I can think of a more diplomatic way of expressing it: in short, if you are indeed thinking about me, asking questions about me, I suspect that you are also thinking to yourself that you want to be the boss in the interaction between us. “Yeah, Tosin is great…”, ( I hope you think I’m great!) “…but as the man I need to be the leader in my own home, and I am not sure that she would allow me to exercise that role!”  I know that this is true because you are a man, and that is the way that God has created you. In a sense, it would be true of every single man.  Furthermore, I know that this is true of you in particular because you are you, and you have quite traditional values.

I want you to know that while I do tend to assert leadership over… everyone and… everything… I would genuinely love for you to be the leader in the interaction between you and me, whatever shape that interaction might ever take now or in the future. I would genuinely even love for you to be “the boss” between us if this eventually does go down that route that leads down the aisle! I one hundred percent mean this by the way. Believe it or not, most women want their husbands to be the leaders in their marriages, even those of us who consider ourselves feminists!

In short, if you want to be the boss of me – and I know you do, and I welcome this – then you need to pray harder than me. You need to know the Bible more than I do. You need to pursue a deeper relationship with God than I do.

The thing is, the reason why I so often assert leadership is not because I am so desperate to be in charge, but rather because I just pray so much harder than everyone else, and I pursue a much deeper relationship with God than everyone around me. So I just naturally am the leader. So of course I walk in greater spiritual understanding, even than many pastors. (This might sound like an arrogant claim, but I have plenty of stories to reel off to corroborate this claim.) Of course I have a deeper sense of vision.  But all this is not because of who I inherently am. Rather it is because God is just as powerful as the Bible tells us, and by spending more time with Him than so many others, I expose myself to more of His power. So if this is because of how powerful God is rather than who I am, if you expose yourself to Him then, you will walk in power and confidence too. You will be the one calling for prayers.  You will be the one marshalling people’s efforts.  You will gently rebuke me and say “Tosin, I don’t like what you wrote on your blog.  I think that you need to apologise to all those Evangelical Christians!” And guess what, I will listen! I know that you would love to wag your finger at me because you have done it before, more than once, metaphorically speaking (grumble!) But then after telling me off, you will open your arms to embrace me in a warm hug – which you have also done before. And I will eagerly take solace in your arms, feeling protected not just because you are physically bigger than me, but also because you are spiritually bigger, and wiser. And if we are to be together then you will confidently set the vision and direction for our family. And it will not feel forced but it would come naturally and spontaneously. I cannot begin to tell you how much I would love to see all this happen, to celebrate your leadership over our lives.

Wow, I felt such a strong urge to address you by name just then! You know, I was thinking about this when thinking of this post and thinking that I believe that this may be what you were born for, just as surely as it is what I was born for – for one hundred percent commitment. Perhaps it is what everyone was born for! Ever since I embraced this mindset, I just feel as if I make sense, and I finally understand who I am and how I fit into this world.