Please disturb me!

Well I have just written a post where once again I referred to the fact that I am ambitious. And I was thinking through to marriage, and thinking that I don’t want my husband to feel neglected or as if I treat him as an inconvenience in my life when I am busy chasing my latest dream or project.
And I thought to myself:  perhaps as a couple we could have ways to signify that we are busy and not to be disturbed. Perhaps when I go into my study, that will be an indication that: “Actually I am quite busy now, is it OK if we talk later?” And then if he is free, he might make dinner, or if he is not, then we could order takeaway or whatever.

However, I was thinking that I have to make sure I make regular time for my husband, even in the height of busy-ness. To take care of his emotional needs, to talk, to make time for him, to play, and not to just fall asleep in his arms from exhaustion.  So I was thinking that maybe we could use spaces in our home to indicate our levels of busy-ness. So if I am in my own private study, then that might mean: “Actually darling, I’m quite busy just now.” But if I am in our shared living room, then that could mean that I am free and available to chat or watch a film together or just chill in the same place as him. Which does not mean that we have to do any of those things, rather that I am free.  And then I have to make sure that I regularly make times to be free. I am thinking that even at the height of busy-ness, I have to give at least one day/evening or two to my husband per week. This is not the same as a date night, which is time that we regularly schedule in to focus on one another and building romance in our marriage.

Conversely if he is in his own study, then that equally means that I know not to try to engage him in a long conversation, but rather to prepare a quick simple dinner for us to enjoy together, after which he might disappear once again into his study. Perhaps there will just be regular days or times which we block out for one another, so no matter what, barring emergencies, no matter how busy we might get, we will always reserve those times for quality time with one another. As I am writing this I am assuming that we will both work from home.  Off the top of my head, I think I would quite like it if my husband and I both worked from home, so that we could see one another and smile at one another during the day. Or perhaps, if we are both working on projects which do not require so much concentration or are not so urgent, we could be casually working together in the same “willing to be disturbed” place.  We might find that this does not work for us, that we simply disturb one another too much, in which case we can always remove ourselves to our more private studies. And if it really does not work then I guess we can always work externally.  But I think that I would at least like to try working together at home in the first instance, depending of course on what types of career we have.
Either way, the key is to regularly make consistent time to give to one another, no matter what.

I appreciate that having children would likely affect our ability to give one another a couple of uninterrupted evenings a week. In fact having children might affect all the ideas in this post! And while I have said that “I don’t care about his career” or however much money he might have or not have, I acknowledge that for both of us to each have our private studies, as well as a shared living space, that indicates a certain amount of financial privilege.

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OR perhaps we could send one another status updates via our phones, so we do not need to physically go into the “please disturb me” room to see that our spouse is willing to be disturbed! And obviously, of course, if your spouse sends you a text notification saying “I am willing to be disturbed”, what that really means is “I would actually really like you to come and disturb me right now!”  So it is not so much sending a statement as making a request. So there will be times when I am actually kinda busy, but I will still obediently go and find him to spend some time with him as requested!

OR – does this function already exist somehow?  Perhaps in a private group on Whatsapp or some other app, we could choose from one of a predefined set of busy-ness updates, with a regular 2 hr prompt (which can be disabled).
Busy – Crazy busy – Willing to be disturbed
So I could be checking my phone and I see that -Ooh! My husband has just updated his status to “willing to be disturbed” or “lightly busy”.  So I barrel downstairs, with that funny joke I have been waiting to share with him all morning!  Then somehow that turns into watching a film together, and somehow we end up spending the whole day snuggling and laughing together on the sofa, happily forgetting the “urgent” work that waits upstairs, and somehow those moments of spontaneity create the wonderful memories that we will happily look back on together.  Once again, I recognise that being able to simply “forget” work like that also indicates a certain level of financial privilege!!!