Quickpost: The importance of family background

OK, I have not posted here for almost two months. I have been constantly thinking of ideas though. I just have not found anything sufficiently compelling to take time out of my ultra busy schedule to write about.

Until now. I really should have been working, but instead I was reading this article on the Guardian:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jun/02/ny-nourn-the-woman-convicted-of-and-pardoned-who-now-fights-for-other-battered-women/

And you know what finally occurred to me as I was reading this story?  How your family background makes such a difference in terms of your own stability and from that your ability to make good lifestyle choices.

So this woman. Ny, whose life is discussed in the article above, came from a somewhat unstable background. Her Mum was a teenager when she was born, her Mum was only ever briefly with her father (for about a year), and they had to flee countries and eventually found themselves in the US.  And then her mother married a stepfather who would eventually turn out to be abusive.  And then Ny herself got into an abusive relationship which eventually saw her being sent to prison, quite unfairly.  Without question, she chose the wrong guy to be in a relationship with. But this article really illustrated to me that for many women, being able to take the time to choose a great guy is really a luxury, and as she said of herself, many people are just doing whatever it might take to survive, and without a strong educational background and adequate family support, it’s just all too easy to fall into these relationships which eventually turn out to be abusive, just for the sake of economic survival.  Furthermore, if you don’t have a strong father role-model in life, then you might not even know what a good guy looks like; you don’t know what to insist on.  What she said of her partner is what many abused women say:  “He was nice at first” (my paraphrasing).

And it is not just her own story that really drove this message home. Reading the statistics, also contained within the article, of how many women in US prisons have been victims of domestic or sexual violence etc, really struck me.  It seems as if being sent to prison as a woman, at least in the US is often an expression of encountering poverty and hopelessness in life, rather than any true criminal intent.

This makes it all the more important to insist on making a good choice of spouse or partner, if you can.  This story demonstrates so clearly that choosing the wrong man to be with can truly ruin your life.  But more than that, it shows that as communities we really need to work on establishing strong educational foundations, financial empowerment and support networks especially for otherwise vulnerable women, so that they can easily get jobs where they can comfortably pay the bills by themselves, where they won’t feel harassed by abusive bosses or colleagues, so that they don’t feel compelled to fall into or stay in these abusive domestic relationships, just for the sake of survival.  This is the kind of article that demonstrates just why for instance, raising the minimum wage to a truly liveable level, AND providing good quality secure housing that is comfortably affordable on the minimum wage, are both feminist issues. Actually, I’m thinking beyond the minimum wage, I’m thinking “Universal Basic Income”…

Also, as mothers, the fathers that we choose for our children and the stability of the circumstances in which we bring our children into the world will have a HUGE bearing on their lives.   This is yet another reason why it is important to be extremely fussy about your choice of partner, if not for yourself, then for your children.