Wow, my last post on this blog was even longer ago than I realised! Man, how I have itched to publish a post. I love this blog so much, I cannot lie! So many different blog posts have been occurring to me, and I have mentally composed so many, but for whatever reason I’ve not managed to sit down and actually type them out.
These are some of the post ideas that have occurred to me/ that I have essentially drafted out in my mind: please note that these are summaries and I have not actually written any of these posts yet:
A man for (red hot) passion versus a man for emotional and spiritual support and wisdom: my life wants and needs both of these men but because the Bible has very strict teachings on adultery, both of these aspects have to be embodied within the same man!
Does marriage curtail the potential of women? Actually, I just thought of this post idea just today. In a way it might sound quite similar to “Does a husband equate to a glass ceiling?” but in that earlier post I was thinking about the individual man. Now I’m thinking about the idea that the typical dynamics of marriage itself, coupled to societal expectations, consistently result in women being held back from what they might want to be , even if their husbands are not actually glass ceilings, even if no mind deliberately sat down to work out how to restrict them.
Marrying a man just because he’s hot: I should honestly have known this before. It is such a logical and obvious consequence of the way I think and the thoughts I have long expressed on this blog that I have absolutely no excuse for not actually knowing this. However it finally occurred to me that it is absolutely futile to marry a man just or even primarily because he is ridiculously attractive. Actually I had always known that, but it finally struck home with so much force, enough for me to finally get it, and hopefully stop myself from ever thinking that way ever again. It is hard for me to explain what I mean without going into all the details… Long and short of it, I reminded myself that in marriage, character and genuine pursuit of Christ are *everything*. Really.
A post that is all about me! There is a post that I have been wanting and needing to write about a certain life-changing life experience – actually, not remotely related to relationships or marriage but rather the making of myself into who I am and defining my identity. (I’m still trying to work out whether it would be better on my other blog). But the time has not been right. This is possibly the single most important post about myself I will ever write on any of my blogs, but I want to make sure I release it at an appropriate time; I just don’t feel as if it is time yet.
Realism versus Lovey-Doveying
So there I was, thinking once again, about lovey-doveying* my man in my marriage, and there I was smiling to myself, imagining some shared laughter, barefoot but otherwise fully-clothed footsie, snuggling together in front of Netflix, (or whichever streaming service might have conclusively “won” by the time I finally get married!) And then real life intruded once again. And I reminded myself that in real life most couples do not seem to have time for much lovey-doveying: blah blah blah, life, work, stress, kids, money etc blah blah blah. And I thought to myself: “We’ll just have to make time!” And I thought to myself, that every single day, without fail, my husband and I will have to set aside at least 10 minutes for lovey-doveying and canoodling and flirting (with one another, I hope that goes without saying!) and smiling into one another’s eyes. To hear the man roar with laughter in his deep voice. And hugging too, of course; how could I have forgotten hugging?! (Actually as I’m writing this I’m realising that “hugging” for me represents something different to “footsie” – I’m not going to go into further details just now! To be perfectly clear I am not talking about sex: that is a different thing altogether, but admittedly related – see below!) Actually there was something else very, very distinct to do daily that I was thinking about that was the one thing that inspired this whole idea, but I don’t want to relate it as it would just be too intimate – as I say, I’m not talking about sex, although it is not a million miles away! Yeah baby! Making this time to share with one another no matter what else might be swirling around our heads. Even if we are in the midst of a raging argument, it will have to be paused or postponed. You know what, as I’ve been writing this I’ve been remembering that this is why date-nights exist. You know what else? Date-nights are good, and I pray and confidently expect that we will have those too. However, alongside those I’m thinking that every day we will have to deliberately set aside some proper time to connect with one another romantically, to really justify the existence of this blog! On one hand it might happen spontaneously, which is good. Actually, it probably often will happen spontaneously. On the other hand, if we were to rely solely on spontaneity then it might just as easily not happen, perhaps for many days, or weeks, or even months – which is not so good. Ten minutes to me sounds doable, but in the cut and thrust of a real marriage I’m asking myself whether it would truly be doable?! Hmm. Now that this idea has occurred to me and I have articulated it, this is probably the one thing in my marriage I am now most looking forward to!
I’ve also been thinking of setting up a few additional subblogs. One of these would be purely for discussing sexual matters and issues. However, as a single woman, I am asking myself whether that would truly be prudent. Part of it would undoubtedly be about pursuing sexual purity. Or maybe that would require an entire subblog all to itself. However, the potentially dangerous part would be looking into sexual issues within marriage. I’m worried about the very real potential of filling my head and my heart with (even more) yearnings that I currently have no legitimate means of expressing. And just how candid do I plan to be about this?!
Also, in my previous post I made reference to my male colleagues. I know perfectly well that many of my male colleagues (and many of my female colleagues too) know about this blog because, erm, I told them about it! In my presence more than one of these colleagues has accessed this blog and read a post from it. Shrug. It’s not a big deal. However, I also suspect that some of these male colleagues continue to read this blog on an ongoing basis. But I don’t know which ones! (Oh very well, I’m kinda sure about one or two – you know who you are!) I’m asking myself: Is it really prudent to sit here pouring out my heart about these very private and personal things to be consumed by many people I see on a daily basis?! And these people will know everything about me… Yeah in my previous post I did talk about casually pouring out my heart to these same male colleagues but on much less private subjects; venting endlessly about crazy church situations in which I’ve found myself, talking about the need for a husband and the kind of person he will need to be…
What is more, because of the set up of my workplace, there are many colleagues that I know really well, and then there are quite a few other people who are also technically my colleagues, whom I do not know at all. And some of these unknown colleagues have been behaving kinda weird! It’s been kinda subtle, but still kinda weird… It’s as if they act towards me with a familiarity that is not justified by the everyday interaction at the office, like they know more about me than or are more aware of me than can reasonably be expected from our day-to-day interactions at work, as if, for instance, they might know about the existence of this blog. But then that begs the question: “How would they know?!” Is it that people casually discuss, between the two sets of colleagues or is it that they googled me – or what?! Or am I just being hyper-sensitive?! So things are already slightly weird as it is. And then to think that on top of that I would add a subblog all about sex into the mix?! “Hmm, Tosin”, I’m asking myself – “is that really wise?!” Candidly speaking, I would love to set up this subblog; a few of the posts I have discussed on this post would naturally fit there but once again I am thinking that the timing might not be right! At the very least I need to spend some big time praying, and making sure I am on a very strong wavelength regarding my God and regarding my faith. A big part of this is to make sure that my motives are, and remain, completely pure, not deliberately being just a little bit… (Dear Lord, please give this bold, outspoken, non-conformist, social-rule-defying but supposedly holy woman who refuses to acknowledge her place an outstanding and deeply attractive husband *really soon*. Otherwise *You know* she is just going to continue to cause merry mayhem in the hearts of certain men through her overly candid blog! Lord, You know that I am not praying this prayer for myself! Rather I am thinking about Your dear precious sons, and I am trying to be considerate towards their feelings…!!!)
Another subblog I’ve been thinking of would need such a delicate hand: looking at real life relationships from the media in terms of glowing successes versus very negative outcomes. Avoiding really bad cases where anyone loses their life: I’m sure we all hear enough about those already. I think that this idea has potential but I don’t think that I am in a good place just now to deal with this issue with sufficient sensitivity…
*My name is Tosin Ojumu and I make up verbs, oh yes I do! And nouns too for that matter! And I reserve the liberty to spell these new words in different ways at different times, as I see fit!