Of late I have often suspected that my youthful weakness in friendships might contribute to my adult confusion in romantic relationships. And this article linked here pretty much confirms this.
I used to have very low self-esteem, to the extent where I was so grateful if anyone offered me even a crumb of friendship. (Thankfully I was always a lot more secure about actual romantic relationships.) All that changed in my early twenties, when I realised that I was made in the image of God, when that truly struck home, and when what that actually meant struck home: ultimately my worth comes from God Himself, not from other human beings. If other human beings choose not to acknowledge my worth, that does not diminish my worth, rather it means that they are the ones with the problem. From that time to now, by the grace of God my self-esteem has grown to the point where it is now sky-high. I have now reached the place in friendships where I can evaluate friends beforehand to see whether they might represent friendships that would actually be in line with my own life and goals, before investing a tonne of time and effort into such a friendship – just like with a romantic relationship. And just because someone would afterall not be an appropriate fit of friend does not mean that you have to be mean to them, you can just politely decline their overtures, their invites to coffee etc – just like with a romantic relationship!
Admittedly it can be a little more delicate when you have already built a friendship with someone, and then you realise that they are not actually a close fit for your life and values – just like with a romantic relationship…
Read article here