Crying over what I don’t have

Well I have just recently read a post about the “gender pay gap” when it comes to buying a house. And you know what?  I was tempted to get demoralised, but over my own choices.

Recurring conversations
Does anyone else recognise this scenario? That you have recurring conversations with yourself over and over and over again? Well this is one such conversation in my life. I sit down and I ask myself whether I could have made different career choices.  Actually, each time I have had this conversation with myself I have always ended up exonerating myself, and concluding that actually, no, I could not truly have made different choices. And in the moment that will offer to me a sense of reassurance that I must be doing something right.

This time however, I did not really take time to think it through. Rather the idea flashed through my mind that actually, perhaps I could have made different (ie, more lucrative!) choices. And I started to feel a little demoralised. And in that split second, I forgot literally 80% of the reason why I have chosen my career path.

Now here is the thing:  I am usually stupendously excited about my career! And truth be told, I am so ambitious that I genuinely never feel demoralised at all because I am too busy dreaming of my next idea! You know, I actually love being ambitious for the sake of being ambitious!

But in that split second, I forgot all that, and my natural inclination was simply to cry out to God – Lord, why is this all taking so long?!  Why don’t I have these things?!!!

You know what? What I am about to relay to you might be the result of the Holy Spirit at work in my mind, or it could be the result of years of training my own mind to think like this.  But the thought that immediately came to my mind was this:
“Why am I sitting here complaining about all the things that I don’t have, when there are so many things that I do have, and happily take for granted?!”
And I started to actively think on the things I do have.

Firstly, I am alive!  This is nothing that any of us can ever take for granted. Just earlier today I was discussing with my Dad about Christian Atsu, the footballer who was recently killed in the earthquakes in Turkey. I was making the point that this man was young, strong, successful, and seemingly at the peak of his powers.  His family must have been so proud of all that he was, and all that he had achieved.  He seemed to have his entire life ahead of him, with various achievements waiting to be claimed. And then the whole thing was cut short, so suddenly.  All his promise just evaporated, just like that. I was making the point to my Dad that in this life nothing is guaranteed, no matter how materially prosperous or otherwise successful you might be.

And then I was thinking that I have 10 fingers, and I was looking down at said fingers. This is an analogy for my overall health, of course, and I was so grateful to feel and to be so healthy!

And I have a very big God too! To be walking in relationship with God, and His truth – is amazing!

You know, there are so many other things that I need to remind myself of, and offer gratitude for.  Yes, there are things that I am still looking up to God for. However, my entire attitude should be one of immense gratitude to God. God has given me so much!

If you have found yourself falling, or tempted to fall, into an attitude of complaining, I urge you to think with this perspective.
Because you are are still (still!) waiting for x – are you tempted to ask yourself whether God is real? Why not take a good look at all the things He has done – starting with, take a good long look at yourself in the mirror – and thank God for His kindness, His goodness, His generosity. Because I know that if you are merely alive to be reading this, then God definitely has been good to you!