But surely, I’m better than *nothing*!

Have you ever been in a situation with someone….who refuses to get the message, that you are not interested in building any kind of interaction with them, potentially romantic or otherwise?  And yes, as it happens, we are talking about people of the opposite sex! And I wonder: “What goes through their mind that makes them refuse to get the message?”  And this occurred to me, that they might think: “Surely, I’m better than nothing?!” That is: “Look Tosin, you’re single, you need to get married and here I am, presenting myself as a viable opportunity…” and it is as if they just sit there, waiting for common-sense to prevail in my mind.  And then buoyed up by the knowledge that they are “right”, they persist to disregard my clearly expressed wishes.

For anyone out there, who might be thinking: “Surely I’m better than nothing!” let me break it to you:  really, you’re not better than “nothing”.  “Nothing” is much better for the following reasons:

– “Nothing” is never going to put me under the slightest threat of domestic violence. Hello?!  Or put me through the pain of infidelity, or commit financial abuse against me.
– “Nothing” is not going to disregard my opinions, as you are currently doing.
And you know what, some of these people, to put it mildly, do not go out of their way to inform themselves.  So it is very possible that they will use their wilfully ignorant opinions to just cast aside your own ideas which are steeped in fact and truth and wide-reading.  (And then as a wife, you have to pretend to respect that ignorance.)
– “Nothing” is never going to deliberately sit on my dreams and squash them because of its ego.
– “Nothing” is not going to be constantly seeking ways to exploit me

Furthermore, with “Nothing” I can make my own decisions, live life at my own pace, control my own schedule, without having to be accountable to anyone.  I can live life with a certain measure of freedom which would not be available to me even with the most considerate spouse on earth.

Some women have romantic “Nothing” and still have children.  However, for me choosing “Nothing” would also mean remaining child-free.  This would mean keeping my life free from the very demanding work of housework and childcare that motherhood entails. Countless studies show that even the most considerate husbands do not participate in this to the same extent as mothers do. Many mothers find that this is a sacrifice worth making for the joy of bringing up children, but either way it is still immensely challenging – even with the best of husbands. And if you are having to compare yourself to “Nothing”, it is unlikely that you are going to be the best of husbands, isn’t it?!

Someone might be thinking: “Well Tosin it won’t be all bad!”  Well realistically what good times can I look forward to or take joy in if (for instance) there is the slightest threat of domestic violence hanging over my head? Or what laughter can I enjoy with someone if I know that his ego will always be looking for ways to cut me down to size?
And it is precisely because you represent the strong possibility of these negative things and so many others that I don’t want to entertain the slightest possibility of any interaction with you!

In summary, “Nothing” might not offer all the joys of an outstanding marriage – but it would also be free of the many, many disadvantages of a poor marriage.  And if you are the kind of person whose poor character promises to me only endless disadvantages, then I’ll stick with “Nothing” thanks!

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